what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
