Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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