My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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