he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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