I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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