I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize