Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
