she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Randomize
