so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
