you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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