Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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