he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
