i permit you to call me
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
