This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
