she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I will die if light touches me.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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