Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
