Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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