we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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