to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
