Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
