hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize