i need an iv and a liver transplant
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize