i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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