we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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