I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
