What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
