U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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