if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
