Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
