Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
