A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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