I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
