I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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