why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
