Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
