when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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