i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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