you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
