I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
