You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize