so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
