Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
