but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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