real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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