mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
