No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
