so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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