You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize