nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
