you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
