you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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