I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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