She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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