Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
