i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
