found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
