I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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