idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
