oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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