our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
