Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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