Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
