What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
