I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
