Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
