You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
