It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize