a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
