She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
