I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
