the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
