it wasn't lemon gatorade
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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