I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
