there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
