somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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