I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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