Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
