just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
