oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
