If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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