I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
