Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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