Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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