I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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