Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
