we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
