It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
