please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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