OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
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