I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
