Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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