I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
