a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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