C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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