I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
