I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm just crazy horny about you
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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