We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
