i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
