Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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