everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
