hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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