i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
