finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
