She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
